It’s so easy to find negative people. They are everywhere. We all know people in our personal lives, at work, or meet casually who, perhaps for lack of anything better to do, complain. Weather and taxes are the most obvious. Then there’s traffic, employee inefficiency, relatives, co-workers, neighbors, companies, health issues, and dry cleaners. The list goes on and on. There are people I know and do my best to avoid them. Do any of us want to spend our time with complaining, negative and disgruntled individuals? I don’t think so.

The question to ask ourselves is do we sometimes act like the very people we do our best to avoid? I, too, find it hard not to complain! Have you ever been placed on hold for a long period of time? Finally you hear a live voice, who transfers you to the person who can finally handle your concern, and you get disconnected. Or, just when you think someone’s going to get your issue resolved their computers are down? Or maybe your computer gives you reason to complain.

When you get asked, “How are you?”, do you really think the person asking wants to hear anything other than “Fine.” For some unknown reason this is the usual opening line between two people on the phone or in person. No one expects (or wants) to hear the details of your two weeks in bed with the flu, your dental problems or anything else health related for that matter! All of us have experienced vacations that got ruined, problems at work, friends who didn’t live up to their commitments, neighbors with unruly pets, family members who disappoint us, etc. That’s life.

Knowing that complaining usually serves no purpose, why do we do it? My two biggest reasons are for sympathy and connection. By comparing notes with others who have had similar experiences, I believe I’m being listened to. The problem is complaining and comparing are not results oriented. You only feel better for the moment A past issue is history and an unresolved issue remains just that. When we expend our energy in productive, meaningful endeavors and communication, we remain positive. People prefer being with positive people. So let the complainers complain. Choose to not be one of them! Besides, who’s listening anyway except another complainer?

Admittedly, it’s difficult for me to handle a point of view different from my own when in my opinion the situation at hand seems obvious. Remaining neutral is a conscious decision. It requires my unconditional acceptance of someone else’s opinion regardless of what I think or how I feel. Additionally, the closer I am to a situation, the harder it is to maintain neutral. This is especially true with family and close friends.

Examples that come to mind revolve around issues such as aging parents, adult children’s parenting skills, career and relationship choices, money, religion and politics. These topics by their very nature evoke strong opinions. How successfully or unsuccessfully siblings deal with problems around their parents can have a major impact on their relationship with one another long term. Being judgmental about a best friend’s choice of life partner can ruin what appeared to be a close friendship. Who could possibly think that any discussion by opposing parties around heated issues during an election year could be harmonious? Can anyone know what is best for an individual?

What does it take to agree to disagree? A good place to start is by being totally open-minded. This means listening without judgment, interruption, or strategizing. It means paying  attention. It requires asking questions. It demands honoring and respecting the reality that all of us respond to life and circumstances based on our individual experiences. Our opinions and judgments are created from these experiences and previous encounters. Someone else’s point of view is neither right or wrong; it just is.

While this may sound simple, in the real world it isn’t. We often seem quick to respond, eager to jump in with our view, or even worse, ready to dismiss another’s idea by quickly replacing it with our own. Imagine the harmony that could occur if people would accept that disagreeing is healthy and normal. Imagine viewing our differences as assets instead of liabilities. Imagine settling disagreements based on facts instead of emotions. Of course, this requires removing our egos and replacing self with objectivity.

What price do we pay when we diminish someone else because we demand to be right? What value is gained by being narrow-minded and inflexible? What new understandings can we create by respectfully allowing ourselves and others to disagree? The next time you face a situation that demands self-restraint during open dialogue, consider the outcome you want beforehand. Decide if you want to have a clearer view or close the window. After all, you control how you act, what you say, and the attitude you possess.

Choosing to disagree or being determined to win regardless of the cost are both a reflection of your character. Agree to disagree and be what you want the world to see.

When was the last time you told yourself how terrific you are? When did you last honor your competence, beauty, intelligence and strengths? If you’re like most of us, you’re quick to
point out something you did that was “stupid” but when it comes to acknowledging yourself for all your incredible qualities you hesitate. Why?

Once while traveling, I met an amazing woman who shared a powerful concept with me. When she first told me what she did twice daily to honor herself by affirming her attributes,
not only was I skeptical, but I couldn’t see myself doing what she suggested. Imagine telling yourself how wonderful you are! Initially I thought the exercise was egotistical and self-serving.

She really challenged me. She told me that to serve others effectively and be at my best would require generating a personal list of 100 of my positive qualities! The task seemed
impossible. Could I really find 100 ways to praise myself? Would I be willing to read my completed list twice a day, in private?

I began the task. Linda calls it the “I am 100′s List”. I took a blank piece of notebook paper, numbered spaces 1 – 100 and began. At first I didn’t have any difficulty writing positive things to say about myself. After all, I am happy; I am resourceful; I am intelligent; I am healthy; I am humorous, etc. When I reached number 45 it got increasingly harder to think of other words to affirm my true self. It took perseverance to keep going and not get discouraged. And you know what? A week later I completed my list of 100 attributes! That was a long time ago and I continue to read my list twice daily!

The personal benefit in acknowledging yourself is enormous. Not only does it increase your self-worth, it also eliminates the negative things we say to ourselves because we aren’t perfect! I’m still capable even when I make a mistake. I’m loving even when get I’m in a bad mood. The truth is I can get off track and still be capable and loving because those two qualities define me most of the time. I invite you to begin today to acknowledge your greatness. Take out a blank piece of paper. Write down 100 wonderful, positive qualities that describe who you are. The results will amaze you. In fact, put “I am amazing” as your first entry!

Being an entrepreneur in today’s economy is a wonderful opportunity to share your talents IF you have what it takes to be successful! What is it about the successful entrepreneur that is integral to that success? Do women entrepreneurs have common traits that help with success? Is it luck? Is it their product/service? Or, is it something characteristic about her that means she would likely be successful at anything she attempted?

The woman entrepreneur will likely need some luck, but it is her drive, faith, energy and vision that will propel her to reach her goal(s). Here are a few common traits of the successful female entrepreneur. And while there are likely others, possessing these are certainly indicators that your chance of success is significantly increased.

1. Drive. Failure is not an option for the committed entrepreneur. Bumps in the road will not set her back, but will steel her resolve. She is on a mission and knows she will get to her goal.

2. Vision. The female entrepreneur is a big-picture person. She can see her successful business, what it looks like with all of its components. She can see her product on the shelves, her services in action. She is not only not afraid to dream big, but views her daydreams as achievable.

3. Autonomy. This woman likes to be in control and isn’t afraid to make decisions by herself. She is comfortable with being alone and has confidence in her intelligence. She is a take-charge person. This woman doesn’t wait for someone else to act and doesn’t second guess her choices.

4. Intuitive. The woman entrepreneur trusts her instincts about her product or service, the market and her business management skills. She uses her instinct as well as her research and her knowledge to guide her business decisions. She knows that her instincts will be what sets her apart from her competitors and will ultimately lead to her success.

5. Distinctive. People remember this woman. She is distinctive. Her product or service is distinctive and her company is a stand alone. There is nothing ordinary here.

6. Planner. This woman not only devises and puts down on paper her business plan, she follows it. She doesn’t lose sight of her goals or methods for reaching her goals. When she reaches a fork in the road, she might explore the alternate route and add it to her business plan. However, she never forgets her vision. Her business plan is the written version of the vision she sees in her mind.

7. Risk-taker. Starting a business isn’t the first time this woman has thrown the dice. She isn’t afraid to bet everything on herself. She has been known to jump before.

Grounded entrepreneurs are a rare breed. Those men and women who can truly create and lead their own original business are a combination of visionary and realist. For the true female entrepreneur, the stakes may be high and the odds may be long, but there is no other option for her.

By Audrey Burton

Small business owners attend networking events to get clients. Much of the time, it doesn’t work the way they anticipated, and they often give up before really determining why it didn’t work. They move to a different group and are destined to repeat the same mistakes.

First of all, let’s talk about networking basics. In order to get the maximum bang for your networking buck, join a group where your target market gathers and keep showing up. That means to go to every event you can possibly attend over and over so you can build relationships with the other members and they grow to trust you. You are not just looking to get clients directly from the group though; you want them to refer others to you, so that relationship is very important. Also, you need to stick with it for at least several months (depending on the frequency of the meetings), bringing the same consistent message. Continue Reading »

In the 1800′s Walt Whitman was quoted as saying, “Be curious, not judgmental”. Unfortunately, most of us see ourselves as the center of the universe. When we are quick to judge others we are really putting a label on them as it relates to our perception. Based on what we consider appropriate, we find fault with someone else’s hair style, way of dressing, how they conduct themselves, the kind of work they do, and so on. Statements like, “I can’t believe she bought that car.” “Did you notice the way he treated his son?”, or “How could anyone that overweight eat dessert?” are indicators that we are judging another’s behavior. What gives us the right to do that?

This is part of the series “Personally Speaking: Volume 1“ to purchase the entire series click here.

Do these statements sound familiar?

“I meant to call you.”
“I intended to finish the project before the weekend.”
“I’m sorry I forgot your birthday.”
“I had every intention of being on time.”
“I’ve been wanting to take a class, write a book, or volunteer.”

The truth is we are all well- meaning. The reality is even the most sincere intention has no value without action. The world is full of dreamers. It lacks doers. Intentions are a barometer of what is possible. Actions are putting your intentions in motion. Action, not intention, creates results. The expression, “Action speaks louder than words” is familiar to all of us because it’s true. Telling me you’re going to do something and not carrying it out is intention; it is not action. We measure someone’s character not by what they say, but rather by what they do.

This is part of the series “Personally Speaking: Volume 1” to purchase the entire series click here.