It certainly is easy to complain. And usually there is plenty to complain about. Sometimes complaining can produce a different outcome. Not often. It has been my experience that finding fault with just about anything is quite common behavior; mastering the art of accepting unpleasant circumstances and the people responsible for them is not.

The operative word here is control. How freeing we’d all feel if we could control situations, orchestrate what happens and modify other people’s performance to be more acceptable to us. In the real world this is an illusion. Everyone deals with their lives in ways that best serve them. It’s ridiculous to think otherwise. So, what is the answer? The answer is change? Yes,  change. The key, however, is not changing what is around us, but rather, changing what is within us. When we change our thinking by observing situations from a different perspective, we can change our behaviors and become better prepared to deal with the reality of life as it presents itself. We can actually choose to free ourselves from getting “caught up in” what might otherwise annoy us.

Do you know people who seem “rattled” about everything? Do you know others who seem even tempered and exhibit little or no stress? What’s the difference? How two people each handle similar circumstances is a function of how they each think. If you don’t like the way you behave in certain situations, you can change your thinking and your behavior when facing them as they re-occur. When you consciously and consistently do this, your world will change. It’s worth the effort.

I am an on-time person. One of biggest frustrations is appointments that run late. Being punctual has it’s drawbacks. Most people are not as conscientious about time so I’m generally kept waiting. It used to drive me crazy. By the time the person I expected arrived or the appointment for which I was waiting opened, I’d be fuming. Not only did this interfere with our communication, but it was also difficult to let go of the stress. Realizing I can’t control another person’s punctuality, I began to change my behavior and perspective. Now, I anticipate someone being late and plan ahead. I might read, write a letter, make some phone calls or anything else I can do to productively use the time. Choosing to be productive is significantly better than changing a behavior over which I have no control. When I changed, how I viewed my world changed as well.

I encourage you to look differently at those predictably annoying circumstances you face regularly. It may be the way you handle traffic, supermarket lines, being placed on hold, or anything else that frustrates you.

By making changes in both your thinking and behavior, you will find your world more to your liking. I can’t guarantee immediate success, however, I can assure you that choosing to change your behavior is a lot healthier than fighting against behavior over which you have no control. The only thing you have to lose is……….STRESS!

These Joy of Connecting networking events are coming up in November. Find one near you and start connecting!

In my early teens I kept a diary. It was a small thick book with a strap and key. I kept it hidden safely between my mattress and box spring! Long lost and only recently remembered I would put the names of boyfriends in it, times I got angry at my parents for putting restrictions on me and secrets I could not share! Perhaps times haven’t changed and young girls still keep diaries to capture their memories.

Picture albums also re-create past experiences. When flipping through the pages I’m quickly reminded of the passage of time, events that shaped my life, and the people with whom I have shared my journey. While pictures “capture” the past, I have discovered journal writing offers a broader opportunity to “re-visit” time. For me, writing reflects my heart. Journaling is the vehicle that offers time for quiet introspection and a way to revisit my experiences. Pictures capture only a single moment; written words express thoughts and feelings. Writing helps me sort out the day’s activities by focusing on their impact on me, my behavior, what I value and lessons I’ve learned. It’s my reminder to express gratitude. It is a private record of ideas, experiences and reflections on my life as I live it.

It seems as we get older time appears to pass more quickly. Hours become days; weeks become months, and suddenly new seasons appear! Life is moving faster and faster. It’s easy to get caught up in activity; it’s challenging to take time to “stop the clock” and be alone with one’s self. The daily demands we each face don’t diminish. As long as we continually make ourselves available others will get our attention. I encourage you to connect with yourself through journal writing. Your life is valuable. Who you are inside shapes your relationships and how you deal with the world outside. Stay in touch with you. Capture your moments. Be willing to express yourself openly and honestly. You will see your life differently when you journal your journey.

There is no way to convince me that men and women are equal! I recently reflected on what most women accomplish in a day and measured against men. It’s a fact that women are inherently competent and capable of multi-tasking which theoretically gives us the edge on this issue. The question for us to consider, however, is “Are we happy performing so many roles or can we create more balance in our lives by delegating?” are we willing to “give up control”, and relinquish some of our responsibilities even if the tasks may not be done the way we would do them?

Every day a significant number of women work full time, manage a household, meet carpool commitments, do laundry, grocery shop, prepare meals, help with homework, fill the social calendar, keep up with correspondence, and struggle to find time for exercise, relationships, and personal fulfillment. It’s likely a man would find this day to day scheduling exhausting. Is any man up to the task? What can we do to engage their support or the help of any others in our family? How can we work together to change this continuous treadmill to equalize responsibilities and balance our lives?

The word that comes to mind is “awareness”. Often I find myself operating on automatic pilot. Because we carry out our tasks efficiently and simultaneously, it might not occur to us that someone else could do the job with equal or better results. For the people directly benefiting from our efforts, what reason would they have to interrupt the “status quo” if we are willing “to do it all”? Since the bulk of household management and responsibilities fall in our laps, perhaps it’s also our responsibility to enlighten and engage others to become more aware of imbalances when they exist.

It would be phenomenal if this one narrative could instantaneously change my situation or yours. Realistically, however, recognizing your situation will begin the process of implementing change. Nothings happens over night. Nothing will happen without taking time to assess where in your daily life you are out of balance. Why not transfer center stage to someone else to encourage them to play your roles when appropriate?

The heart of a woman is as big as life. She initiates conversations with strangers in the bathroom. She recommends the perfect place to find the perfect dress to a woman she meets at the beauty salon. She clips coupons to send to her daughter-in-law. She smiles when she would rather scream; cries when she is happy, and often says “yes” when she means “no”.

A woman keeps the refrigerator full just in case someone stops by unexpectedly. A woman fights for what she believes in by supporting community endeavors with both time and money. She listens to friends, helps with homework, and gives unconditional loves.

Women cry over their children’s accomplishments, during a romantic movie, while reading sentimental cards at a card shop or when opening a special present. Women openly express happiness when hearing about the birth of a baby, an engagement, or a marriage. Women share their emotions from their heart.

Women remain strong even when they think they have no strength left. They comfort loved ones in mourning, visit friends and family who are ill, and offer hugs and kisses to soothe broken hearts. Simply put, women connect! They write letters, make phone calls, send e-mails and stay in touch. Women care!

Women are present wherever and whenever they are needed. They intuitively know where to offer their love and support. Women do more than give birth. Where a woman is there exists joy and hope. She brings compassion and companionship. She gives moral support. She acknowledges. She reassures. Women are mothers, daughters, wives, lovers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers. They give, they guide, and stay grounded. They are amazing not only for what they accomplish, but for the values they impart. Women earn our respect every day not only because of what they do, but because of who they are.