Lessons we learn from living

Who said life was easy? There may be many aspects to life that become easier to handle as one be­comes wiser, however, the journey of life often throws us curves and roadblocks.  Perhaps the bumps we experi­ence are intended to make sure we stay alert! The truth is, it’s our ability to rise to the challenges and work through them that shapes our lives. Personal growth, achievement, and future accomplishments often result when we face our problems and handle them as they occur.  Sometimes it might seem like the challenges we are facing are beyond the strength we have to handle them. We are so caught up in the emotion of the moment, it’s difficult to step back to examine the situation objectively.  Emotion clouds our thinking and we are left feeling helpless. When you are determined to tackle any situation, regardless of how long it might take, your belief will ultimately pave the way to your success.

When I became divorced I faced a long and winding road. For 24 years I had depended on another person for almost everything. He managed the household finances, took care of our investments, made most of the major decisions, took responsibility for our cars, yard work, insurance issues, and was our family’s primary income source. When I was no longer a couple and “suddenly single” I was forced to “grow up” and take responsibility for everything I had taken for granted. I didn’t know the first thing about “running a household” beyond household chores ~ cooking, cleaning, etc. I had never purchased an insurance policy,  met with an investor, arranged to have my car serviced, paid the monthly bills, or refinanced a mortgage.  All of those tasks had been handled by my CPA husband.  What a shock to be in charge!

You know what?  The most amazing things began to happen! I actually learned how to take care of what needed to be taken care of! I asked for help. I received advice. I gave myself permission to be patient. I became informed on matters that affected me and my future. While it took some months, some mistakes, and some confidence building, I soon felt my self assuredness and self esteem strengthen. I developed a routine around bill paying, car servicing, etc. I secured appropriate agents for insurance issues. I landed a wonderful financial planner willing to review my assets, offer education where needed, and make suggestions.  I felt supported without feeling dependent. What a relief!

When, years later, as a newly married woman I moved to Atlanta from a community in suburban Mary­land where I had lived for nearly 30 years, I faced many challenges! I had to familiarize myself with a new environment, establish new relationships, adjust to married life, and change many of the service providers with whom I had become familiar and on whom I had relied. I frequently got lost on unfamiliar roadways. It took a few bad haircuts to land a wonderful stylist. Eventually I made friends.

Compared to what followed later that year these adjustments were easy to handle. After only 8 months as the CEO of a large, privately held company, my husband lost the job that was the catalyst for our move in the first place. What followed was stressful, uncertain and trying. Eventually, and with a lot of hard work and perseverance, the long and winding road of Phil’s career led to a wonderfully rewarding change and we got our lives back together! I believe the setbacks I experienced as part of my solo journey provided the foundation I relied on to help my husband in his challenges and kept me positive.

Winding roads continue to appear now and then.  While it’s not always smooth sailing, I’ve learned to trust my judgment in making decisions, secure advice when I’m uncertain, and believe that detours and set backs are distractions and not life threatening. They are simply roadblocks! There are always answers when life gets messy. It’s up to each one of us to uncover the lessons and apply them.  Long and winding roads will always be part of every journey.  They have a way of keeping us alert and certainly make the journey more interesting!

I’d Rather Be Smart  

Sometimes I feel totally out of touch with the younger generation. I don’t recognize their popular singing groups or understand rap music. Their fashion statement has everyone looking alike, and Generation X’s view on life is so foreign from my own.  But, I do envy youth’s energy.  They’re nocturnal and I’m ready to retire at 10! While I know the expression age is “only a state of mind”, I acknowledge only older adults use it. Maybe it’s my way of handling the aging process.  I will admit, however, that if I could be firm & fit like those young, female hard bodies that work out at my gym I might trade my years of experience for their figures! Who said life is fair?

On the other hand, there are some advantages to no longer having to raise children, turning gray (and using that as my excuse for forgetting), and years in the classroom of life experiences that teach us not to take it too seriously. It’s a bonus to travel and not be accountable to anyone but myself, to get senior citizen’s dis­counts, and to feel confident in my decisions. (We do learn from our mistakes over time)  Being older is fun. We get to witness the direction of young lives, shake our heads to their naivety, and re-visit our youth through their experiences.

In my treasured role as a grandmother,  I sit on the floor more, play with toys and toes, read ABC books, watch children’s videos, and make every experience a “Kodak” moment.  I joke that my grandson, Eli, is the only person on the planet that can keep me from doing what I thought was important! Wisdom tells me that time is precious and life is fragile. When you’re young, you’re willing to waste time, but as the years pass, you want to linger over each minute of every day.  Sure I’d like to have the energy and the laisez-faire attitude associated with youth. Yes, I’d like to have more years ahead of me than behind me, but would I be willing to “give up” what I’ve earned learned? No way.  I wear my silver hair proudly and when a young man offers to give up his seat or open a door for me, I gladly accept. Now that’s a bonus, for sure!

This is an excerpt from Kimberly Englot’s book, The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula. To purchase a copy of this book go to: just http://thenowofhappinessbook.com.

Dream-Stealers like to be realistic. In fact, they NEED to be realistic, it helps them to feel better about their own insecurities, failures and fear.

Sign: You dread calling her if you have good news.

Congratulations are in order! You have a new job, just got engaged or are expecting a baby. You can’t wait to tell everyone…except one person. You dread calling her because she will find a way to rain on your parade (pardon the cliché) and make the happy occasion not so happy. Whether she starts in on why the timing isn’t great, or about how your life is always so great or the fact that you’re lucky while her life sucks, she leaves you feeling sorry for her and doubting yourself. You also end up resenting her for not being happy for you.

All this person wants to do is make you see all the possible chances for failure.

She says things to make you doubt your decisions.

She loves to be right and will do what she can to make sure that she is right and you’re wrong.

She enjoys being able to say, “I told you so.”

There will always be people out there who are petty, jealous and afraid. They will appear concerned, and say they’re looking out for you, but the truth is Dream-Stealers are just one of the nine kinds of Toxic People I talk about in my book The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula.
When I was first starting out, I was full of fear. And if it hadn’t been for a deep stubborn streak, I would have given up well before I even got started because of a business coach who had no right to be giving out business advice! (She wasn’t a business owner, she had never even started a business…but she did work for a business. Does that count?) Long story short, she laughed at my vision and I left deflated, crying and ready to succumb to the first real Dream-Stealer I’d encountered while trying to start my business. Several years later, I have discovered two ways to handle a Dream-Stealer. The following is one approach I use as often as possible.

Inside-Out: Peaceful Co-Existence
This is what I call the “Inside-Out” approach, because you have to do some internal adjustments in order to positively cope with this relationship. I say positively because there are many negative ways you could choose to deal with the stress of this – drinking, shopping, gambling, having an affair, or eating are a few examples. I don’t want you to go down that route, so we will find a positive coping mechanism for you.

Look at it this way: according to the Law of Attraction, whatever you send out into the world, you get back. So if you are constantly uptight, worried and unhappy, you attract more situations where you are uptight, worried and unhappy. You also attract people who activate those feelings in you over and over again. (That sounds like a fun get-together!)

That is why it is so important to be aware of your emotional Junk. Your power always exists in the present moment, in awareness of how you feel and what you are doing.

Quick-Start Guide for Positive Energy Management

• If possible, leave the situation, if only for a few moments.
• Focus on what you love about the person. Everyone has positive attributes; you just have to look much harder for some people.
• Focus on your breathing. Take 10 deep breaths and focus on the moment that is in front of you.
• Dwell in your own positive energy and block out theirs. In most cases, the toxic person is looking for a victim or ally, or acknowledgment/validation. If you don’t play along with them they will get bored or frustrated and move on to someone who will participate in their game.
• If all else fails, be aware that they are influencing how you feel and then let it be.
• Let it go! Their energy is dragging you down. Recognize this, but do not dwell there.

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Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? Sure as long as you don’t change anything and include the following:
©2011 Kimberly Englot
Kimberly Englot is the president and founder of The Center for Authentic Self Development and author of “The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula.” Learn more about Kimberly and her mission to guide 10 000 people to happiness and freedom in 2011 at the Happiness Movement website: http://thenowofhappiness.com .

Bring your sense of humor into the hearts of others

One of the greatest pleasures in life is laughter.  Have you ever watched children laughing? They’re spontaneous, lack self-consciousness, and take delight in whatever is going on. Not only is it wonderful to be in that special place where laughter lives, but it’s also easy to get there.  Laughter provides an instant connection communication between people. Every language laughs the same. It is infectious, addictive, positive, conta­gious and healthy.  When you laugh, it’s as if your heart is singing.

Laughter is the only tranquilizer with no side effects, wrote Graffiti.  We are happiest when we laugh even if only for a short while. It’s more productive to laugh at life than to frown about it.  Besides, a good laugh brings sunshine to a cloudy day.  Laugher is underutilized. All of us need to laugh more.

Think about people you know who have a great sense of humor.  They are self-confident, deal with life’s challenges with a positive attitude, and don’t  take themselves too seriously.  Think about how you feel when someone makes you laugh when you are together.  Years ago a friend and neighbor of mine was raising 5 children, including 2 sets of twins. The demands on her time and energy would have overwhelmed even the most competent and conscientious parent. When I recall our many conversations and experiences together she always looked at or viewed with her circumstances with humor.  She used to say, “What choice do I have?”  In reality, she did have a choice.  She chose to bring laughter into her family by not taking anything or anyone too seriously.  I suspect, even now, she brings the same perspective to the lives of her grandchildren.  What a gift she is to the universe.

I love a good laugh. I love being around people who make me laugh. I enjoy watching comedy, hearing a well delivered joke, sitting on the floor laughing with my grandson, and, yes, even laughing at myself when I’ve done something foolish. Life is demanding. With all our daily responsibilities,  the uncertainty in the world, the fragileness of each day, and the disconnect we often feel because we are so busy being busy,  I think it’s time we each take a closer look at the humorous side of life.  Perhaps now it’s a good idea and the right time to consider laughing more. Laughter reduces stress. I encourage you to laugh more…..just for the fun of it.

Those who know me would agree that I am perpetual “hugger”. I love to give and receive hugs. Ever since I was young, showing affection continues to be important  in my life. I was thinking about this having just returned from a friends wedding in DC.

From the time I spent at the gate waiting the departure of our plane until returning home I witnessed dozens and dozens of hugs. The airport is a perfect place to watch people hugging. You see weary business people reconnecting with loved ones, grandparents greeted by grandchildren, re-united lovers, roommates, children with their parents, and individuals grateful and happy to be together again. What a great picture! I just stood there smiling and eavesdropping.

While no one greeted us upon our arrival at Dulles Airport, the same scene I had observed in Atlanta repeated itself there. As we entered the terminal everywhere I looked people were embracing. It was obvious that friends and family members were happy to see one another and feeling joy at being together.  Hugging is a universal language!

Everyone who joined our celebration was frequently seen hugging. Whether it was in the hotel lobby, being surprised on the elevator, bumping into one another along the streets of Evanston, following the wedding ceremony, on the dance floor or during the frequent toasts over dinner, everywhere guests greeted guests with hugs. It looked and felt like one big hug-in!

What is it about hugging that has me feeling this happy? I think it’s the realization that  every hug conveys a message from someone to someone that says, “I choose to share a special moment with you.” Know that when I give you a hug, I, too, feel our closeness. I am Honoring U, Gentle Spirit………….